Wasted Youth

Today I realized my life has been such a waste. There is so much more, not that much given the fact that I live on a fucking island, that I could be doing. People I could be talking to, hands I could be holding, lips I could be kissing, castles I could be building, memories I could be making, and life to be living. Too bad I have wasted the 17 years of my life thus far. And what a fucking slap in the face it is. I blame this fucking island. No, I blame myself for being shy and insecure, and never wanting to talk to people because I assume that they're all complete morons and I know that's not true. But usually they all end up to be idiots in one way or another. My biggest regret is definitely not making more friends and more memories, but there is an upside to it: an easier goodbye. But at the same time since I have less friends I have become more attatched to them. So I guess goodbye is tough no matter the amount of people you are saying it to. But this has been my life so far and there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it now. All I can do is make it better. In 2 weeks and 6 days. what the fuck. mind blown. I hate this. I don't want to graduate. As much as I don't like all the people at school I can't help but think about how much I am going to miss their annoying faces and laughs and ridiculously loud yells at each other in the halls. But that will only be for a while until I find my new niche where the universe decides to take me. Just thinking about how people are a part of your life for so long then you decide to rip yourself away from all of them is so odd. Why choose to leave when there is a spot for you? But there really isn't. There is never a spot. But there actually is, everyone makes everything complete. Every cell in your body is meant to be where it is. That is really fucking hard for me to believe though. Was I meant to stay home all fucking day? Was there some tragic thing that would have happened had I decided to go out? Who the fuck knows? What is the point in continually questioning it when no one will ever know the answer? There isn't one.