Fuck yeah! I am so far past being sad for graduation I just want it to be over with. But I have soo much shit I still need to do for FIDM. ugh. I cannot wait to be rid of all this nonsense at school. The bullshit rules, stupid teachers, pointless classes, and stupid kids at school. Six years of all this shit has built up to a lot that I am just ready to be free of. I really don't think that I'm gonna miss all these people since they are super fucking annoying. How can they all just go to the same fucking shcool and see eachother every day. That's just fucking retarded. The point of college is to get away from people.
I am so fucking bored in class right now! But at least we're actually listening to good fucking music haha. Love DaftPunk, seriosuly. Hmmm, so I just took my first (of three) Englsih final and I'm pretty sure that I did not do great, at all. I would not be surprised if I get an F. Nothing made sense, there was pretty much no thesis, and I probably have one thousand grammar errors. Fuck mannnn I can't wait for all that shit to just be over.
I feel like I'm in a video game from the 90's right now. haha.
I'm gonna miss art classes though :( no more free supplies. I guess I should steal what I can right now. I don't wanna have to buy spray mount and pay for my printing or buy poster boards. Or have to get shit laminated and pay fucking $50! for a shitty kinkos job. Ugh! Seriously, kids here need to use the resources more. such a waste.. its actually pretty sad.
Anyways. i'm sick of writing. i just wanna sleep.
18 May 2010
14 May 2010
09 May 2010
Wasted Youth
Today I realized my life has been such a waste. There is so much more, not that much given the fact that I live on a fucking island, that I could be doing. People I could be talking to, hands I could be holding, lips I could be kissing, castles I could be building, memories I could be making, and life to be living. Too bad I have wasted the 17 years of my life thus far. And what a fucking slap in the face it is. I blame this fucking island. No, I blame myself for being shy and insecure, and never wanting to talk to people because I assume that they're all complete morons and I know that's not true. But usually they all end up to be idiots in one way or another. My biggest regret is definitely not making more friends and more memories, but there is an upside to it: an easier goodbye. But at the same time since I have less friends I have become more attatched to them. So I guess goodbye is tough no matter the amount of people you are saying it to. But this has been my life so far and there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it now. All I can do is make it better. In 2 weeks and 6 days. what the fuck. mind blown. I hate this. I don't want to graduate. As much as I don't like all the people at school I can't help but think about how much I am going to miss their annoying faces and laughs and ridiculously loud yells at each other in the halls. But that will only be for a while until I find my new niche where the universe decides to take me. Just thinking about how people are a part of your life for so long then you decide to rip yourself away from all of them is so odd. Why choose to leave when there is a spot for you? But there really isn't. There is never a spot. But there actually is, everyone makes everything complete. Every cell in your body is meant to be where it is. That is really fucking hard for me to believe though. Was I meant to stay home all fucking day? Was there some tragic thing that would have happened had I decided to go out? Who the fuck knows? What is the point in continually questioning it when no one will ever know the answer? There isn't one.
05 May 2010
Too many thoughts
Race through my brain, and not enough of my brain is used. I think we use 10%?
"To say that we use all of our brain ignores the fact that you couldn't remember where you left your car in the parking garage- even though this is well within your brain potential" I like that.. I think that topic is really interesting, we use all of our brain for different activites, but not all at the same time. I used to think that only 10% of our brain was used for everything and that only geniuses used the full potential of their brain all the time. I guess who ever told me that was very, very wrong.
But, what I was thinking about was relationships.. What is the best type of relationship to have? And are there good times to have certain types of relationships? Such as a really fun, no-seriousness relationship would be good for summer. But is that type of relationship good at all? Even though your partner may make you forget all of your troubles because you are constantly having fun and living freely. Is that actually healthy? Would pushing all of your troubles aside for a relationship make you feel worse in the end? What if you decide to marry someone who makes you feel like that? would you just never face your problems and end up living in regret because you never had the chance to figure it out? Is that even a real relationship? What is a real relationship? I guess to each their own.
Personally, I don't think I could be in a relationship where everything is just fun. There has to be room for serious talks; how are you going to love someone with out seeing them at their worst? You will never really know anyone until you have seen them break down and cry their eyes out because I believe that is when your soul is pouring out and being exposed to the world. I think that is why people don't like to cry. They don't want to feel exposed to anyone for fear of getting more hurt in the long run. It has been shoved down our throats not to cry because it shows that you are weak. I think quite the opposite; those who cry are the strong ones for exposing themselves to every thing in the world. There is no way of telling what people will say of you for crying about something and that is why I hate to cry. I'll admit that I am weak because I absolutely hate crying in front of people. I feel so embarassed about it, but I can only do it around the people I really love and care about. At Aha Mele I cried because I was next to Mahea and we have seen each other cry numerous times and we know each other extremely well. I probably wouldn't have cried if I was sitting next to someone I am comfortable with.
I have no idea where I'm going with this.. But I totally lost my train of though about relationships
"To say that we use all of our brain ignores the fact that you couldn't remember where you left your car in the parking garage- even though this is well within your brain potential" I like that.. I think that topic is really interesting, we use all of our brain for different activites, but not all at the same time. I used to think that only 10% of our brain was used for everything and that only geniuses used the full potential of their brain all the time. I guess who ever told me that was very, very wrong.
But, what I was thinking about was relationships.. What is the best type of relationship to have? And are there good times to have certain types of relationships? Such as a really fun, no-seriousness relationship would be good for summer. But is that type of relationship good at all? Even though your partner may make you forget all of your troubles because you are constantly having fun and living freely. Is that actually healthy? Would pushing all of your troubles aside for a relationship make you feel worse in the end? What if you decide to marry someone who makes you feel like that? would you just never face your problems and end up living in regret because you never had the chance to figure it out? Is that even a real relationship? What is a real relationship? I guess to each their own.
Personally, I don't think I could be in a relationship where everything is just fun. There has to be room for serious talks; how are you going to love someone with out seeing them at their worst? You will never really know anyone until you have seen them break down and cry their eyes out because I believe that is when your soul is pouring out and being exposed to the world. I think that is why people don't like to cry. They don't want to feel exposed to anyone for fear of getting more hurt in the long run. It has been shoved down our throats not to cry because it shows that you are weak. I think quite the opposite; those who cry are the strong ones for exposing themselves to every thing in the world. There is no way of telling what people will say of you for crying about something and that is why I hate to cry. I'll admit that I am weak because I absolutely hate crying in front of people. I feel so embarassed about it, but I can only do it around the people I really love and care about. At Aha Mele I cried because I was next to Mahea and we have seen each other cry numerous times and we know each other extremely well. I probably wouldn't have cried if I was sitting next to someone I am comfortable with.
I have no idea where I'm going with this.. But I totally lost my train of though about relationships
02 May 2010
it's just my humble opinion
holy shit! this weekend has been so mother fucking boring. It is honestly retarded, I did absolutely nothing this weekend. Stayed home and did all of NOTHING!
I don't even know what the hell to write about. Maybe I'll just rant about everyone haha.
I have no idea if I said this in my other post but my whole month of May was planned out for me in all of 3 minutes last weekend. It was pretty much NOT awesome. It's my last fucking month of high school, I would rather spend it with my friends than my family. I fucking love them, but I will never ever ever be in high school again. Holy shit. I fucking hate this. My whole fucking high school career has been pretty lame. Nothing all that exciting. I want to shoot my foot. This is dumb. All of my junior year was pretty much spent on Oahu, beginning of senior year was with people I don't even go to school with, freshman and sophomore year was pretty good. But how fucking sad is it to day that my sophomore year in high school was the best year? But that's probably because thats when I started hanging out with Taena. I fucking miss that bitch. That's when my sould became tainted lol. Three more fucking weekends till I graduate. What the fuck!? I don't like this, not at all. I honestly don't even feel like I'm a senior. Graduation doesn't seem right at the moment. I am finally comfortable and I'm getting torn the fuck out of it. That is just not cool. But being immersed in something completely new is so exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Oh the joys of polar emotions. Being on my own is something I've always wanted and now that it's here why do I not want it? That is how everything in life is. It's only the chase that matters. There's no fun once you've gotten the prize. But what is the actual prize in life. What are we striving for in our life, not referring to career and money or anything material, when can we finally say that our life goal has been met? I have no idea what my life goal is. Yeah I wanna change the world, but too bad I'm a realist and I know that could never happen. One person cannot accomplish that. It takes a whole team of people, not just a team but thousands if not millions. Everyone has to work together.
Why the fuck am I talking about changing the world?
Anyways. I don't know what I want out of life, and what does life want out of me? If we're meant to do something why can't they just give us some kind of a plaque when we're born: 'you have to figure out how to make cell phones water proof'. Or some shit like that. 'you are going to make the best beer' haha that would be a great life mission. I honestly don't understand when people say "that's what god wants me to do" HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW!? because I don't think there is a transmitter between you and god in your head! if that is possible where the fuck would the fucking signal be coming from? You don't even know where the hell he is. Sure he's all around us, but how is he carrying all his transmitters to all your fucking brains? Yeah I don't think so. You all might just be crazy and keep telling yourselves things just to make yourself look good. Well it's not working. Whatever, I don't feel like writing about religion, too much of a touchy subject. Believe what you will.
Today I had the greatest epiphany EVER! Tegan & Sara = Taena & Shelby! Fucking love it! Taena and I need to make Tegan and Sara understand that we're all meant to be together because our parents chose the greatest names for all of us. FUCK FUCK FUCKING canNOT wait to see their gorgeous faces in person. I will not settle for anything except for the front row, just like everyone else who is gonna go. I need a concert. I love the energy of everyone being there for one reason. It just makes for a really good time except when fucking retards go there to hate on the band. How fucking immature is that?! Why would you spend money to hate on the band? Or a band member's mom!? That happened at the Taking Back Sunday concert. I was so pissed. I will probably starve because I'd rather spend money on concerts than food. As long as its my money I won't feel bad, but I will feel hungry. Money is the worlds BIGGEST problem. I hate it. I wish everything was free. Too bad Americans are stupid and spend money they don't have! Ron White has a perfect solution for it. I love how comedians are the most real and smart people. There are a lot of comedians I would rather have as president. But they all drink too much to take it seriously. I never really thought that Obama would be a good president and that is kinda apparent right now. I hate politics.
I don't know what else to write about. kbye
I don't even know what the hell to write about. Maybe I'll just rant about everyone haha.
I have no idea if I said this in my other post but my whole month of May was planned out for me in all of 3 minutes last weekend. It was pretty much NOT awesome. It's my last fucking month of high school, I would rather spend it with my friends than my family. I fucking love them, but I will never ever ever be in high school again. Holy shit. I fucking hate this. My whole fucking high school career has been pretty lame. Nothing all that exciting. I want to shoot my foot. This is dumb. All of my junior year was pretty much spent on Oahu, beginning of senior year was with people I don't even go to school with, freshman and sophomore year was pretty good. But how fucking sad is it to day that my sophomore year in high school was the best year? But that's probably because thats when I started hanging out with Taena. I fucking miss that bitch. That's when my sould became tainted lol. Three more fucking weekends till I graduate. What the fuck!? I don't like this, not at all. I honestly don't even feel like I'm a senior. Graduation doesn't seem right at the moment. I am finally comfortable and I'm getting torn the fuck out of it. That is just not cool. But being immersed in something completely new is so exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Oh the joys of polar emotions. Being on my own is something I've always wanted and now that it's here why do I not want it? That is how everything in life is. It's only the chase that matters. There's no fun once you've gotten the prize. But what is the actual prize in life. What are we striving for in our life, not referring to career and money or anything material, when can we finally say that our life goal has been met? I have no idea what my life goal is. Yeah I wanna change the world, but too bad I'm a realist and I know that could never happen. One person cannot accomplish that. It takes a whole team of people, not just a team but thousands if not millions. Everyone has to work together.
Why the fuck am I talking about changing the world?
Anyways. I don't know what I want out of life, and what does life want out of me? If we're meant to do something why can't they just give us some kind of a plaque when we're born: 'you have to figure out how to make cell phones water proof'. Or some shit like that. 'you are going to make the best beer' haha that would be a great life mission. I honestly don't understand when people say "that's what god wants me to do" HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW!? because I don't think there is a transmitter between you and god in your head! if that is possible where the fuck would the fucking signal be coming from? You don't even know where the hell he is. Sure he's all around us, but how is he carrying all his transmitters to all your fucking brains? Yeah I don't think so. You all might just be crazy and keep telling yourselves things just to make yourself look good. Well it's not working. Whatever, I don't feel like writing about religion, too much of a touchy subject. Believe what you will.
Today I had the greatest epiphany EVER! Tegan & Sara = Taena & Shelby! Fucking love it! Taena and I need to make Tegan and Sara understand that we're all meant to be together because our parents chose the greatest names for all of us. FUCK FUCK FUCKING canNOT wait to see their gorgeous faces in person. I will not settle for anything except for the front row, just like everyone else who is gonna go. I need a concert. I love the energy of everyone being there for one reason. It just makes for a really good time except when fucking retards go there to hate on the band. How fucking immature is that?! Why would you spend money to hate on the band? Or a band member's mom!? That happened at the Taking Back Sunday concert. I was so pissed. I will probably starve because I'd rather spend money on concerts than food. As long as its my money I won't feel bad, but I will feel hungry. Money is the worlds BIGGEST problem. I hate it. I wish everything was free. Too bad Americans are stupid and spend money they don't have! Ron White has a perfect solution for it. I love how comedians are the most real and smart people. There are a lot of comedians I would rather have as president. But they all drink too much to take it seriously. I never really thought that Obama would be a good president and that is kinda apparent right now. I hate politics.
I don't know what else to write about. kbye
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