Do You Want to Know a Secret?

I currently HATE my life.
Everything has been going exceptionally wrong and when it starts going good it gets WORSE than the time before. Seriously. This has been one of the most fucked up weeks of my life and I am so ready to just go home and sleep all fucking day as if I haven't been doing that all mother fucking day while I'm up here. Shoot me please. I just want to die.
And all these events are confiriming my second thoughts. I'm probably going to trasfter after my first year or quarter at FIDM. Maybe. If things get better I probably will stay so I can get in and out. Finals look fan-fucking-tastic. Fuck. I vow to never become lazy and rush to get all this shit done. I am so beyond over procrastination. I truly hope that I only get better with time management. I will kill myself if I have to pull this kind of shit out of my ass.
I just can't wait to get out here and start doing my own thing. I know that I'm not gonna be clubbing every fucking chance that I get. Not that I don't have fun but I could use that money for better things. Sure, I'll probably do it often but not 3 times a week. Fuck that. Way too much money. It's so annoying. And each time that we've gone it hasn't even been that much fun because something has gone wrong right before.
Last night could have been wicked fun. The fact that I can't dance kinda takes away from having a super good time, but still it could have been more fun. Fucking Alex getting belligerent before Mode7. Not being allowed in, not answering his phone, and practically leaving us stranded. I was pretty much numb from all the shitty things that have been going on. I was pretty much over everything. I can't even explain how dead I feel. I just wanna lay in bed and do nothing all day. It really is quite pathetic.
Yesterday we met up with Nico and Alfredo around 3? I have no idea. My sense of time is so fucked up out here. We went to go pick up, got high, and watched Moulin Rouge. It was really good. Such a tragic story. I love how the compare the play they're making in the movie to real life and keep using that as their main focus instead of the relationship between the chick and the rich guy or the writer. I think that the writer should get a lot more credit for the show than he does because with out him there literally would be nothing. And none of them would have a job. Some people are so fucking naive, every person in the operation counts no matter your status every one needs every one. I hate when people think that just because they run the shit they can make people feel lesser. They're the ones barely doing anything. Idiots. I swear there are so many fucking dumb people, it is absolutely mind boggling how they all manage to keep their jobs when every one hates their fucking guts. Maybe beause they really do know what they're doing but they're just fucking ass holes. Who the fuck knows? Only the people dumb enough to put up with that kind of shit for longer than they need to. Every one is just in it for themselves. By kissing ass to the person above you, you hope that you're gonna get a promotion or something to have a higher status. Every one is so fucking fake. Like how every one dresses in suits and ties! It's absurd. Why doesn't every one just wear sweats to work? If one person started every one would follow and no one would ever have to worry about getting their shit dry cleaned for a crazy amount of money. It's like Alice said in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, "Who's to say what's proper? What if it was agreed that wearing a cod fish on your head was proper would you wear it?" It's so true though. Why do we have to follow all these mainstreamed ideals that everything has to be a certain way? Why can't we all just wear and do what ever the fuck we want!? So infuriating. I hate society. I think I will drop out of it and wear live animals as hats.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyways.
Last night. So many breezys. And wicked cute boys with haggard chicks. Its so strange how that happens. But I'm sure their relationships are a lot more than looks, I'd hope so. Every where that I looked there couples! Ridiculous! And this one guy told me he saw me at Dance, I thought the meant he saw me dancing. So I was like... um I can't dance to save my life. hah. I need to learn how to shuffle.
Thursday night was fun, we drank some wine and smoked hookah at Anthony's place. We watched Salad Fingers. That is seriously the weirdest shit I have ever seen in my life. Creepy, but funny. Anthony is such a cutie. So small and he dresses super cute. His mustache reminds me of a cartoon, I have no idea why but it does. Alex brought a guy over who is supposedly in a relationship with a girl and they haven't fucked. But they've beenn together for two years, so unlikely. Of course they kissed at the end of the night. I'm so sick of Alex right now. I don't even feel bad that he got arrested last night. He fucking deserved it. People seriously need to learn their limits. And get a grip on themselves. Fucking eating Taena's and my food, that is so rude. And using her towel. Ew. He is such a free loader! I hate people like him.
But um.. Thursday we were originally gonna go on the roof to smoke but the door was locked and going on the fire escape was just way too fucking scary with all the shit that we had with us. After smoking a couple bowls we were out by the fire escape getting some air when Taena decided that she wanted the sign and Alex followed. He tore off both signs. Not three minutes later security came and told us that we were being too loud. That was unbelievable! On Wednesday morning we were being insanely fucking loud. We started singing and screaming at like 3am and didn't stop till about 8am. It's a wonder how no one complained. Alex said that he could hear us from the elevator. People are wack.