california dreamin

I don't even know where to begin.. Well for starters nothing much has been happening this summer. Been hanging out with Mr. Mellon a ton and he is a hell of a lot weirder than I would hve ever expected. Grad parties have been typical: crappy. The night of Desmond's grad party was one of the most random I have ever had in my life. Got to the party with a cup full of beer and kept making voodoos after that. Pretty delicious. Left close to 9 or 10, I don't even know. Mom said that she needed someone else to talk to. Since I knew who she was talking to Joe and I rushed back to my house so we could get our drink on with her. There was a huge debate about the Hawaiian Island's flowers. So Joe ended up calling Gabe and getting it sorted out. I think I was right about two of the flowers. Not too sure. Then we started talking about marketing.. I have had that talk with so many people in my back yard it is ridiculous. I don't remember what happened next but one of us went to sleep. Then more talking about random things. I brought out the cards and mom made Joe and me play speed. I won. Then mom played me, I lost. We played again, I won. After that we started playing 21 for the longest time. It was pretty funny how crappy I was. I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening. And it didn't help that I'm not the greatest player. Oh well. I think I won like 9 hands in a row. That was pretty awesome. Out of no where mom said that she wants a chilli cheese dog. So after a while we go to Zippy's at 3:30am. It was so funny. I had chicken katsu. I figured since I had chicken nuggest a couple days before I should just start eating chicken again. But it was waaaayyyy too oily so I could not finish it. I tried really, really hard but it was just too disgusting. I went to the bathroom because I felt like throwing up but there was piss in the toilet so I didn't. I could have easily flushed it but I would have felt way more disgusted throwing up in a public bathroom. EW!
The days have been getting way hotter and more humid than imaginable. So the showers have increased and gotten a lot colder. I could never take a cold shower and now I am taking one just about every afternoon. I could go for one right now and its only 11am. So ridiculous! Just like my never ending situation with college! UGH! I have no idea why this couldn't have been taken care of earlier. Such a pain in the ass. But hopefully with the help of Beth this will all be done very, very soon and I can stop worrying about me actually going to college. I cannot wait to leave this island! Even though I am going to be there a month early and I have no idea what I am going to do with myself. I'm sure that I will be able to find something to keep me occupied in LA. I am so excited to see my apartment. I really hope it is to die for as Taena claims. I just want to get off this damn rock already. I hope LA isn't hot when I move up. Just about two months left on this god forsaken rock and I am freeee! Sorta.
I am scared though. I'm going into a business that is booming right now, but so many students are studying Graphics right now. So what if there is no room for me in the business? I don't even know why I'm scared. I'm sure there will be plenty of oppourtunity.
I need to start arting again. I feel so, I don't even know how to explain it. I just want to fucking immerse myself in art right now.

Oooh and I know what I want for my first tattoo, but of course my mother had to fucking put me down about it. Saying that the meaning doesn't match me. When it does, she just doesn't know anything about me obviously. I am going to get it soooooonn I hope.

Be Strong and Ally Ye

Oh sons of Hawaii

I think its pretty hilarious that I used to know the words to the alma mater then for some reason I just forgot them. Oh well! I'm not going to have to sing it any time soon, I hope.

I haven't updated in a while because graduation has been so intense! From all day practices, going to Oahu, and baccalaureate. I'm just so relieved that it is finally all over. I don't even know what to write about. So many things happened this past week. SO MUCH! I should start from the beginning but everything happened so quickly that my brain can't quite decipher day from day. Okay, I really don't know where to start.

Mauna Ala. That was fucking terrible! Woke up way too late. About an hour after I should have been up, so I had all of 6 minutes to get ready. Left the house when I should have been at the airport. But people were still arriving so I didn't feel too bad. The line for Starbucks was really long but I needed coffee anyways. I have no idea why I had to get the most expensive drink. Seriously, $6 for a coffee!? a SMALL coffee. So ridiculous. But it was fucking delicious. When we got the Oahu airport we had to wait an hour for the boys. So Mahea and I walked around trying to find a good place for food. Obviously, its the airport so we had absolutely no luck. And trying to find something cheap was out of the question too. I hate that Burger King is closed! Its the only decent place in the airport. We ended up sitting down and playing Egyptian War which started to become a hot commodity in the last week of school in Kumu Kalei's class because they never did anything. I almost won, but I think it was Ka'u that won. When the boys finally come in we head down to the buses and I start to feel like shit right when we leave the airport. I have no idea why but I just wanted to puke my guts up. It was awful. When we finally get to Mauna Ala we line up and get ready to chant. We get in and blah blah blah. We line up in a super confusing order. I can't hear or see anything that is going on so I was just looking around the whole time wishing that I was at home sleeping. We sing and chant and give our roses. Then we sing some more. Then the Maui campus decides that we're going to be cool and sing the love song written for Kalakaua that he never heard. But of course, we sounded fucking terrible. Everyone was off and we had no instruments. I really didn't feel like walking around to findthe answers to the questions that Kahu gave to us. So I just leaned against a tree and prayed for death hahaha. Me, Kellie and Joe went in to the church there and it was really stink so I felt worse. When we were finally on our way after what felt like 3 hours of nothing I started to feel better. We get to Kapalama and I see Kalei right away! I was super stoked but she had to leave. Kinda sucked. She pretty much had a line of people waiting for her. Must've felt like a celebrity hah. We were at the chapel on campus and I started to feel like crap again. When everyone was inside I went to the bathroom in hopes of throwing up or something. But nothing happened. I hate how that always happens to me. We go get lunch and I feel fine, finally. But when we get to Kawaiahao Church I start to feel shitty again. When they try to organize us to take the photo it was just chaos. No one could follow directions. They should have lined us up outside so we wouldn't be trying to arrange ourselves ing he aisle. It was retarded. The chapel service felt like forever and the Kapalama boys were sooo fucking rude! Leaving before the song was even over and leaving rubbish everywhere. After that was done we headed to the airport and I felt better, again.

So my theory is I get sick around churches. They make me feel absolutely awful. Terrible, I know. But thats my conclusion for that day.

Friday was baccalaureate, pretty boring. I honestly don't remember what I did that day. Probably nothing. But, Baccalaureate was really boring. Sitting on the stage singing songs that we didn't know was so embarrassing. I don't know why they assume we're going to do fine just because we have the program and song book. It was honestly awful. I didn't know that the Headmaster's Tea wasn't mandatory so I was pretty annoyed by that. But whatever, got to eat free, shitty sushi! Met up with Taena and Mario after that. We planned to go to Pedro's house but that got fucked up when the starter on Taena's car got stuck. Even though Uncle said it was "Cracka Cheese!" So funny. Joe picked me up and we grabbed his hookah and went to Taena's condo. Mother told me that I couldn't sleep over. That was pretty annoying to me. But I guess that was the smart thing to do since my fucking leis weren't even done! Tried a bunch of different alcohol at the condo. That pink stuff was pretty delicious haha. But kinda too fruity.

So the next morning I tell my mom that we have to go to walmart so i can get stuff to make my leis. And she starts bitching at me! I have no idea why she was bitching at me. I should have been bitching at her. I asked a bunch of people a bunch of times to pick things up for me. It isn't hard to grab ribbon and the netting. But i guess it actually was for them. And everything else was being done super last minute too. I fucking hate that so fucking much! I was so pissed, I was about ready to punch someone in the face. And my family thought that I was being bitchy, I guess I was but what ever. I could have had the leis done earlier. And they were not helping by claiming they don't know how. Its easy to figure it out. It was just a terrible way to start graduation. It pretty much ruined my graduation day. I didn't want to be happy that day, I was just in the most pissed off mood I had been in for a long ass time. I did cheer up a little bit though. I bet if I hadn't been pissed off earlier I actually would have cried during the ceremony. I still haven't cried. It's kind of weird. I think I didn't cry yet because I cried that whole week and during song fest. I don't know why I wanted to cry. Thats pretty silly.. wanting to cry at graduation. I was just happy as shit. I just wanted to get out and never have to rely on any one ever again, physically that is. During the ceremony Nea and Shawna kept asking me if I wanted them to scream for me because of what Kahu said about keeping the noise down. And I kept telling them yeah. I told them that before too. I couldn't imagine them not screaming. We're all loud mouths so there was no way I could tell them no. I guess they were pretty loud because a bunch of people gave me funny looks. And during the lei giving part the videographer asked us to scream for the DVD haha. so funny.

So project grad.. people were screaming when the buses pulled up. No idea why. They knew that we were getting buses. So stupid. It was a pretty good night I suppose. The Westin wasn't a bad choice but it was predictable. Swimming at night is probably one of my favorite things to do. Had a lot of fun just watching people make fools of themselves, as usual. Nothing too exciting happened. The salsa was delicious! I wanted to steal a bowl and eat it all myself. The committee dropped like 5K on duffle bags for us. I was really shocked, but really happy! I was in need of a new duffle bag. It was really annoying how everyone screamed for every little thing. That is one thing I will never miss about my class. Their annoying screams. Its about time we actually got something good though. I think project grad was the best class thing we ever had. Dinner was really good. And I was so glad they had Starbucks. The photobooth was fun. But it annoyed me that people stole the props. Thats so fucking ruuuude. For the drawings I put in the wrong ticket. Pretty funny. I put the one without my name on it. I felt like the biggest dumb ass ever, but I wasn't surprised that I did that. Like what if I did win the MacBook? That would have been awesome. But whatever, it is what it is. (hate that saying now) The fucking RockBand was fuuucked up! It was lagging so badly. I ended up just kicking it with Dayton and Royal. Pretty fun way to end the night. I prolly would have fell asleep otherwise. Breakfast sucked, that was a great way to end it all.

I fell asleep on the bus and as soon as me and mahea got in the car we lit up haha. People were passing us but we didn't care. Nicotine! I went to sleep right after Mahea left. Got rudely awaken at 11. That day I got a grand total of 3 hours of sleep. That was really annoying! We didn't even start eating until 2. People didn't start showing up until 5 or 6. That night was fuuuun. Ate some good food. Started drinking When Aunty Fran and Uncle Les started. Didn't stop till 1 ish. Played thumper for the first time. I went first and fucked up right away. Got pretty fucked up too but that was only when Mario gave me Crown. Britt and I needed pliers to open those small bottles of alcohol because they were like super glued shut. Mahea and Kali were gone for the whole night, pretty typical. I passed out first, really typical. But I had no sleep in my defense.

There's a ton that I left out. I will continue later

Oh Happy Day

Fuck yeah! I am so far past being sad for graduation I just want it to be over with. But I have soo much shit I still need to do for FIDM. ugh. I cannot wait to be rid of all this nonsense at school. The bullshit rules, stupid teachers, pointless classes, and stupid kids at school. Six years of all this shit has built up to a lot that I am just ready to be free of. I really don't think that I'm gonna miss all these people since they are super fucking annoying. How can they all just go to the same fucking shcool and see eachother every day. That's just fucking retarded. The point of college is to get away from people.
I am so fucking bored in class right now! But at least we're actually listening to good fucking music haha. Love DaftPunk, seriosuly. Hmmm, so I just took my first (of three) Englsih final and I'm pretty sure that I did not do great, at all. I would not be surprised if I get an F. Nothing made sense, there was pretty much no thesis, and I probably have one thousand grammar errors. Fuck mannnn I can't wait for all that shit to just be over.
I feel like I'm in a video game from the 90's right now. haha.
I'm gonna miss art classes though :( no more free supplies. I guess I should steal what I can right now. I don't wanna have to buy spray mount and pay for my printing or buy poster boards. Or have to get shit laminated and pay fucking $50! for a shitty kinkos job. Ugh! Seriously, kids here need to use the resources more. such a waste.. its actually pretty sad.
Anyways. i'm sick of writing. i just wanna sleep.

Hmph, being stoned isnt as fun if youre only with one person

Wasted Youth

Today I realized my life has been such a waste. There is so much more, not that much given the fact that I live on a fucking island, that I could be doing. People I could be talking to, hands I could be holding, lips I could be kissing, castles I could be building, memories I could be making, and life to be living. Too bad I have wasted the 17 years of my life thus far. And what a fucking slap in the face it is. I blame this fucking island. No, I blame myself for being shy and insecure, and never wanting to talk to people because I assume that they're all complete morons and I know that's not true. But usually they all end up to be idiots in one way or another. My biggest regret is definitely not making more friends and more memories, but there is an upside to it: an easier goodbye. But at the same time since I have less friends I have become more attatched to them. So I guess goodbye is tough no matter the amount of people you are saying it to. But this has been my life so far and there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it now. All I can do is make it better. In 2 weeks and 6 days. what the fuck. mind blown. I hate this. I don't want to graduate. As much as I don't like all the people at school I can't help but think about how much I am going to miss their annoying faces and laughs and ridiculously loud yells at each other in the halls. But that will only be for a while until I find my new niche where the universe decides to take me. Just thinking about how people are a part of your life for so long then you decide to rip yourself away from all of them is so odd. Why choose to leave when there is a spot for you? But there really isn't. There is never a spot. But there actually is, everyone makes everything complete. Every cell in your body is meant to be where it is. That is really fucking hard for me to believe though. Was I meant to stay home all fucking day? Was there some tragic thing that would have happened had I decided to go out? Who the fuck knows? What is the point in continually questioning it when no one will ever know the answer? There isn't one.

Too many thoughts

Race through my brain, and not enough of my brain is used. I think we use 10%?
"To say that we use all of our brain ignores the fact that you couldn't remember where you left your car in the parking garage- even though this is well within your brain potential" I like that.. I think that topic is really interesting, we use all of our brain for different activites, but not all at the same time. I used to think that only 10% of our brain was used for everything and that only geniuses used the full potential of their brain all the time. I guess who ever told me that was very, very wrong.
But, what I was thinking about was relationships.. What is the best type of relationship to have? And are there good times to have certain types of relationships? Such as a really fun, no-seriousness relationship would be good for summer. But is that type of relationship good at all? Even though your partner may make you forget all of your troubles because you are constantly having fun and living freely. Is that actually healthy? Would pushing all of your troubles aside for a relationship make you feel worse in the end? What if you decide to marry someone who makes you feel like that? would you just never face your problems and end up living in regret because you never had the chance to figure it out? Is that even a real relationship? What is a real relationship? I guess to each their own.
Personally, I don't think I could be in a relationship where everything is just fun. There has to be room for serious talks; how are you going to love someone with out seeing them at their worst? You will never really know anyone until you have seen them break down and cry their eyes out because I believe that is when your soul is pouring out and being exposed to the world. I think that is why people don't like to cry. They don't want to feel exposed to anyone for fear of getting more hurt in the long run. It has been shoved down our throats not to cry because it shows that you are weak. I think quite the opposite; those who cry are the strong ones for exposing themselves to every thing in the world. There is no way of telling what people will say of you for crying about something and that is why I hate to cry. I'll admit that I am weak because I absolutely hate crying in front of people. I feel so embarassed about it, but I can only do it around the people I really love and care about. At Aha Mele I cried because I was next to Mahea and we have seen each other cry numerous times and we know each other extremely well. I probably wouldn't have cried if I was sitting next to someone I am comfortable with.
I have no idea where I'm going with this.. But I totally lost my train of though about relationships

Ron Whites financial solution

it's just my humble opinion

holy shit! this weekend has been so mother fucking boring. It is honestly retarded, I did absolutely nothing this weekend. Stayed home and did all of NOTHING!
I don't even know what the hell to write about. Maybe I'll just rant about everyone haha.
I have no idea if I said this in my other post but my whole month of May was planned out for me in all of 3 minutes last weekend. It was pretty much NOT awesome. It's my last fucking month of high school, I would rather spend it with my friends than my family. I fucking love them, but I will never ever ever be in high school again. Holy shit. I fucking hate this. My whole fucking high school career has been pretty lame. Nothing all that exciting. I want to shoot my foot. This is dumb. All of my junior year was pretty much spent on Oahu, beginning of senior year was with people I don't even go to school with, freshman and sophomore year was pretty good. But how fucking sad is it to day that my sophomore year in high school was the best year? But that's probably because thats when I started hanging out with Taena. I fucking miss that bitch. That's when my sould became tainted lol. Three more fucking weekends till I graduate. What the fuck!? I don't like this, not at all. I honestly don't even feel like I'm a senior. Graduation doesn't seem right at the moment. I am finally comfortable and I'm getting torn the fuck out of it. That is just not cool. But being immersed in something completely new is so exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Oh the joys of polar emotions. Being on my own is something I've always wanted and now that it's here why do I not want it? That is how everything in life is. It's only the chase that matters. There's no fun once you've gotten the prize. But what is the actual prize in life. What are we striving for in our life, not referring to career and money or anything material, when can we finally say that our life goal has been met? I have no idea what my life goal is. Yeah I wanna change the world, but too bad I'm a realist and I know that could never happen. One person cannot accomplish that. It takes a whole team of people, not just a team but thousands if not millions. Everyone has to work together.
Why the fuck am I talking about changing the world?
Anyways. I don't know what I want out of life, and what does life want out of me? If we're meant to do something why can't they just give us some kind of a plaque when we're born: 'you have to figure out how to make cell phones water proof'. Or some shit like that. 'you are going to make the best beer' haha that would be a great life mission. I honestly don't understand when people say "that's what god wants me to do" HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW!? because I don't think there is a transmitter between you and god in your head! if that is possible where the fuck would the fucking signal be coming from? You don't even know where the hell he is. Sure he's all around us, but how is he carrying all his transmitters to all your fucking brains? Yeah I don't think so. You all might just be crazy and keep telling yourselves things just to make yourself look good. Well it's not working. Whatever, I don't feel like writing about religion, too much of a touchy subject. Believe what you will.
Today I had the greatest epiphany EVER! Tegan & Sara = Taena & Shelby! Fucking love it! Taena and I need to make Tegan and Sara understand that we're all meant to be together because our parents chose the greatest names for all of us. FUCK FUCK FUCKING canNOT wait to see their gorgeous faces in person. I will not settle for anything except for the front row, just like everyone else who is gonna go. I need a concert. I love the energy of everyone being there for one reason. It just makes for a really good time except when fucking retards go there to hate on the band. How fucking immature is that?! Why would you spend money to hate on the band? Or a band member's mom!? That happened at the Taking Back Sunday concert. I was so pissed. I will probably starve because I'd rather spend money on concerts than food. As long as its my money I won't feel bad, but I will feel hungry. Money is the worlds BIGGEST problem. I hate it. I wish everything was free. Too bad Americans are stupid and spend money they don't have! Ron White has a perfect solution for it. I love how comedians are the most real and smart people. There are a lot of comedians I would rather have as president. But they all drink too much to take it seriously. I never really thought that Obama would be a good president and that is kinda apparent right now. I hate politics.
I don't know what else to write about. kbye

Aye Captain

So I totally didn't mean to publish that last post without stuff from last weekend. Man, I haven't update in what feels like eons! well from before the previous accidental post.

Anyways.. last weekend was super interesting.

Friday was opening night of the Senior art show. There was so much junk food I almost threw up because I ate so much. The strawberries that Toni made were like heaven! I would not mind have like 205760918 of them right now. I still can't believe that we actually pulled the show off. I honestly don't think it was that great, but at least it is finally over. And I can't believe that Mrs. Mason made up evaluate everyone's work and is going to show it to them! Aargh! I don't want people to see what I wrote, as if they can read it. I guess it's a good thing that I wrote really ugly.

So Saturday was Ho'olaulea which of course sucked. Nothing exciting except the Big Island Party Mix. So delicious! I worked my shift from 1 - 2. And I had like $20+ in scripts left over so I just bought a bunch of salad which I think I still might have. Fuck! Should have just bought a bunch of coffee instead. Oh well.

After Ho'olaulea I hung out at Joe's house for a little while. Then we picked up Kali and went to my house. Took a couple shots of sake which wasn't as bad as I remember it being. That's probably because I had a chaser. I actually kind of liked it with the chaser. But I doubt that I would actually drink it.. Picked up Mahea and had a super chill night. I love those kinds of nights way more that big parties. No drama and you can actually hear everyone. And you can see all the stupid things people do. I love it.

It was so funny how happy Mahea was because we smoked hookah and Joe bought her a pack.

Rule #32 Enjoy the Little Things

haha I love that movie.

me and kali being nerrrdy

Joe and Mahea not being able to handle

Coke and Captain, das it

lol

High Iron Content

That is the reason all my clothes are stained red from the dirt in Kauai. So this past weekend I went to Kauai for Uncle Mark's funeral. I didn't really know him so I felt pretty awkward all weekend. On Saturday at the service I felt so sad for everyone there because I could feel the sorrow emanating from the chapel from twenty feet away. It was like a piece of their heart was ripped out and stomped on right in front of their faces. I felt so intrusive of their private grieving time, but I went to be a supporting shoulder for my family. Minus the loss of an extremely loved on the weekend was as typical as any family gathering that we have. We need to start shaking things up a bit, but I doubt anyone would go for that since we're stuck in this rhythm and it sounds as good as Pena and Nea doing a duet. Friday Joe took me downtown since he had to get a new phone. I swear, he is stupidly addicted to his phone. I met up with mom after I almost got run over by a car. People tend to lose their common sense at airports, its so frustrating. We got to Kauai around 8 maybe then got picked up by Pena, Pohai, Nea, and Kaiolu. Which meant that I was stuck sitting in the back of the car. When we finally got to Hanapepe everyone was already eating and drinking. I smelled Shrimp Scampi and even though I wasn't hungry I went to look for some, but surprise surprise there was none. Oh well. Less food for me :). There was some drama about Aunty Babe's birthday cake, pretty lame. All the family drama is lame and just needs to be over already because it is sickening to listen to different people bitch about each other doing all the same shit. We got home around 11 and went to sleep around 1 and woke up at 7.

We got the the chapel pretty early and there was already people there. I didn't even know Uncle Mark and I almost cried because he touched so many people's lives that its such a tragic loss. And of course in times like these everyone talks to each other more and acts more loving. But I hate when that ends, I don't get why everyone isn't like that all the time. My mom started drinking pretty much as soon as we got there. I didn't think much of it until she kept drinking throughout the entire day. After the service ended at 12 we drove out to the cemetery, Nea and Nuti help up a banner over the walkway near Big Save which was pretty cool. My mother stuck her head out of the sun roof which resulted in her getting cuts on her hands, karma is indeed a bitch! At the burial a helicopter dropped flowers over us which was really cool. But I didn't think it was something to be screaming and cheering about which my mom did. Extremely loud. I was so embarrassed; like yeah it was really cool but screaming that loud was really unnecessary. Then that night we went back to the valley and ate and ate and ate. Kind of a boring night but what ever. It probably felt like that because I wasn't drinking. haha. My mother was really annoying, especially when she said, "you don't dance like them do you?" UGH! she's seen me dance before I have no idea why she would even say that, seriously. A lot of other people were getting annoyed by her which made me feel a little bit better.

Sunday we all got up, and of course had drama at breakfast. Then went down to the other house, but Pohai locked her keys in the car so they just stayed home. Kinda funny, but not completely unexpected from her. Everyone who isn't from Kauai ended up leaving early but for mom and me it was pretty pointless because we didn't get home till 11. I hate delays so much. Today I finally started doing my fucking scholarships. I hope Mossman counts them because they were fucking easy little things to do. He can't not count them because they are scholarships. I will fight him if he says they don't count.

Aunty Babe and Kylie laughing about something obviously

Pena, Pohai, Kaiolu at the service

My mother and Pena cheering for the flowers at the burial

Kaiolu being the cutest things ever. I love how he eats noodles its so adorable

Fuck my life in the ass hole backwards. Oh my fucking god I cannot believe this. I've been deleting pictures unknowingly. Fuck my life. GAAAAAAAAAAHH I seriously wanna shoot myself right now. fuck fuck fuck.

Officially

addicted to Tegan and Sara. I've known about them for years but since I am going to their concert in September I've been listening to them non-stop for about two weeks. I don't know why this happens.. Every time I go to a concert, or think that I will I start to listen to the artist like crazy. I guess its because I wanna know all their music in case they play old stuff and I know what they're playing. Just so I feel like I belong there. That's how it was for Taking Back Sunday and The Used even though I didn't see them. It will be a little over a week after I turn 18 so I am stoked for this concert. I am going, by any means necessary.

Tegan and Sara are so fucking gorgeous, sometimes I think Tegan is prettier but its usually Sara. There's just something about her that is beautiful. I want to marry her! Her voice is just so odd and amazing, like a Cindi Lauper chipmunk with an edge. It is beautiful. I couldn't stop watching their concert videos for about a week, all the shit they talk about is so funny but really true. They could probably be stand up comedians. Their writing is so simple but powerful and really relatable. I don't even know why I am writing this. But I think every one should love Tegan and Sara like I do. Mahea is getting annoyed at how much I'm playing them and I find it funny. But, what ever. I love them. The end.

So life is still a disaster. I haven't made that phone call that I really, really need to make. FUCK. But I will do it tomorrow and hopefully something will happen. Because my life will be over if nothing happens. School is so fucking stressful! Art show for ho'olaulea is next week and I still havae two more canvases to finish. I'm doomed. I will need like 3 packs of cigarettes and 10 bags of coffee. If only I could skip all my classes to work on it. But too bad I have all my mandatory classes this semester. I really hate this semester. Why couldn't the art show be at the end of the year like a final. But I guess it makes sense to have it now because everyone would definitely procrastinate and wouldn't pay attention to their finals so all of our other classes would be shot to hell. It still sucks though. Nothing I can do about it, so fuck it. I will finish the second canvas this weekend. That is a promise to who ever is reading this. And if I don't finish it you can personally punch me in the face, seriously.

I still don't even know what I'm going to do for my last one. But i have a couple days to figure this out. Shit I thought that our class would be really ahead, but we started so fucking late! We had just about three weeks to work on this. That annoys me. Last year's class had like two damn months. Not fair. But life isn't so why would it change for me? I just can't wait for Ho'olaulea to be done with! Fuck. I need to do my d.photo still. Damn damn damn.

FUCK!

so my fucking life is over. i am in the deepest shit that i have ever, ever been in. and it's going to ruin the rest of my fucking life. i have no idea what to do, well i do but i know i can't. this fucking sucks. that night ruined my life. that is my one true regret. i want to take it all back. i wish i had never gone, i wish i said that i actually didn't want to go, and i wish i could fix this. i don't even know what to say to either of them. one would say, "well you should have thought about that before you decided to do that." and the other would say, "it doesn't matter that you have something else to do. we won't allow you to finish." fuck my life. i wish there was someone who could help me. but i don't even want to talk to anyone about this. fuck

And so it goes..

wow my own brother just logged off facebook when i asked him something. i feel like shit. haha. oh well..
i have writer's block right now, well not entirely since i'm writing this. i just can't write about fucking don quixote. that fucking book is so fucking stupid. and i think i chose a really shitty topic. i wonder if ms. haina will let me change it.. doubt it. i really suck at analyzing things, i put too much of my own opinion in or what i write about is far form relevant. how is this book even relevant to anything!? she even said herself that the book is hard to read and she's always agreeing that it's a pain in the ass. why would you do something like that? oooh right. because you're a fucking satanist. by making journalism go on a fieldtrip to the maui news it was proven that she is truly a satanist. i almost died of boredom. i honestly thought that a news room would be exciting, but that is not true. or maybe that's just the case of maui news beause it's maui and maui is boring as fuck. that perry guy kept saying that he didn't want to bore us but he droned on for more than half an hour about the stupidest shit. like someone asked a question and he would take forever to get to the point then he'd go on and add things that we didn't want to know. it was seriously the worst field trip of my life. until we got the the printing, that was pretty interesting and the people weren't that boring. the people actually knew what they were talking about unlike the lady who was taking us on the tour. absolute bullshit. just like erin asking "who works here" that was the dumbest question i ever heard. people you idiot! unless you think oompaloompas work there. so fucking stupid. goddddddddddd she was so annoying in song practice. she really has no sense of personal space. she kept fucking hitting my legs and didn't even get the hint when i kneed her. and fucking telling britt and kau to be quiet when they were talking so loud that their voices were fucking echoing in the fucking gym. dumb bitch.
so i probably won't finish my essay.
i probably won't go to school on friday to work on my thematic. but i'll probably work at home. who knows. I do! and it's a no. uuggghhh
fuckfuckfuck

Last One

This is the last day of the last break for my last year of high school. I wonder if I could have possibly used the word last more in that sentence.

So I just finished my homework for English. It was so simple but I kept getting side-tracked, pretty annoying. I think i might have acute A.D.D., maybe. If I wasn't side-tracked it would have taken me an hour, at least. But I'm glad I never have to read that book again.. I think. Fuck! I just remembered there's that essay. I really, really don't want to go to school tomorrow. I'm probably gonna wake up late anyways. It doesn't even feel like this is a break or like third quarter even happened. Such a trip. I am seriously depressing myself. This is dumb.

Well.. I'm hoping to finish what started two Saturdays ago. But with way less people; people who can handle themselves. We'll see if mother will allow it. Hopefully.

I can honestly say that this was the best worst break I've ever had. I'm not sure if I'm happy to see it end. I will definitely be happy if this bad luck streak ends. But who knows what will happen?
I need some positive energy. Haha I sound like such a.. hippie? I'm not too sure what to call those people who are all into spirits and energies.
And I also don't know when to use 'into' or 'in to'. I should ask Ms. Haina tomorrow. Well, today. Fuck. I really need to sleep or else I'm fucked tomorrow. gaaah

I'm not gonna spend my life being a color

So I have been getting major reality checks lately, because I just think about things way too much. There's two months and two days till I graduate. That is so fucking crazy. I always knew that time would really fly but, holy shit! This is just ridiculous; this year has fucking zoomed by and I'm pretty scared to graduate and go out into the real world. I am excited as fuck too though. I know I can handle my own but just the idea of being away from my mom, friends, and other family is just scary. This past break was one of the first times that I wasn't with any family for a 'long' time. It's just fucking wack that I'm moving out.. I'm never going to live with my parents again, hopefully. I really hope that I don't become one of those drop outs who come back and work shitty jobs and become nothing. Since I have the worst luck I have a feeling that my life will be fucked up. Every time that I say something good about myself in a matter of days it gets messed up.
Since being in LA I don't even know if that's where I want to be. I can totally see myself in California but I'm not too sure about Downtown. It's just dirrrty. People walking their dogs on the sidewalks and telling them "good job" when they take a shit on the sidewalk. So messed up! People have no fucking common sense and it is so damn infuriating. There's always trees where you can drag your dog to make it do its business. Not on the sidewalk where people.. walk. And the smell just hangs in the air and it smells like you're in a toilet. And not to sound racist, but all the Mexicans! I knew that LA is very hispanic but shiiit. A lot of people don't even speak English. Talk about reality check.. The bums are so annoying! A guy asking for a dime so he can get a burger! So dumb. Where in the fuck are you gonna get a burger for a dime? You're gonna have to ask at least 10 people for dimes so you might possibly get a burger. But that's unlikely. And interrupting people's dinners. Ugh! So annoying. But I'm sure that all these things happened to me simply because I am me. I hate my luck.
Maybe I will get a tattoo of a shamrock, might bring me some luck. We'll see.
I just complain to fucking much. Some one should just slap me across the face

I love it

So one day a guy is walking down the beach and sees a girl without arms and legs. She stops him and says, "Can you hug me? I've never been hugged before."
The guy said yeah and hugged her.
The next day he sees the same girl and this time she asks for a kiss, once again he agrees.
The day after that he's walking on the beach again and sees her. That day she asked him if he would fuck her because she hasn't been fucked before. Hearing that, the guy picks her and and throws her into the ocean and yells, "You're fucked now!"

duuumb

so my mom just called me to yell at me so I clean my room. completely uncalled for. what was the point of wasting 30 seconds to tell me that? as if I'll actually do it only because you told me.
annoying

CC Scheffield

Girl is gorgeous!

Her song 'Escape Me' is pretty much the greatest song, ever. No contest, at all. Go listen to it. NOW

Unfathomable Disasters

3/14/10

When I first landed in LA. I lost my make up right before I left my house so I look gross.

3/14/10

The view from the Alexandria

1/3 of the bottles before we threw them out the window on Tuesday nigt



Another third




Last third.

3/15/10

Alfredo's high ass trying to cut Taena with the box cutters

3/15/10

Larry talking to the sumo version of Taena

3/16/10
Me before Dance at Arena

3/17/10
Taena singing her heart out at like 6am

3/17/10
Here comes the sun do do do do

3/17/10
Octavio and Taena drinking Primo!

3/19/10
Taena ready to get hiiiigh

3/19/10
Holding Nico's collection of bottles

3/19/10
Nicooo! So adorable

3/19/10
Zion! She's the cutest dog ever.

Daschund/labrador mix

3/19/10
Almost faded

3/19/10
Nico

3/19/10

I have no idea what Alfredo was trying to do

3/19/10
View from the rooftop

3/19/10
Alfredo..

3/20/10
Last minute photoshoot for Taena's final

3/20/10

Taena being all cute and junk

So those were most of the highlights from my trip. I barely took my camera with me and I kept forgetting to buy batteries so I could just take my point and shoot with me. It could have made life a lot easier. What ever.

It is what it is.

I had the best dream last night, too bad I don't remember what it was.