Last One

This is the last day of the last break for my last year of high school. I wonder if I could have possibly used the word last more in that sentence.

So I just finished my homework for English. It was so simple but I kept getting side-tracked, pretty annoying. I think i might have acute A.D.D., maybe. If I wasn't side-tracked it would have taken me an hour, at least. But I'm glad I never have to read that book again.. I think. Fuck! I just remembered there's that essay. I really, really don't want to go to school tomorrow. I'm probably gonna wake up late anyways. It doesn't even feel like this is a break or like third quarter even happened. Such a trip. I am seriously depressing myself. This is dumb.

Well.. I'm hoping to finish what started two Saturdays ago. But with way less people; people who can handle themselves. We'll see if mother will allow it. Hopefully.

I can honestly say that this was the best worst break I've ever had. I'm not sure if I'm happy to see it end. I will definitely be happy if this bad luck streak ends. But who knows what will happen?
I need some positive energy. Haha I sound like such a.. hippie? I'm not too sure what to call those people who are all into spirits and energies.
And I also don't know when to use 'into' or 'in to'. I should ask Ms. Haina tomorrow. Well, today. Fuck. I really need to sleep or else I'm fucked tomorrow. gaaah

I'm not gonna spend my life being a color

So I have been getting major reality checks lately, because I just think about things way too much. There's two months and two days till I graduate. That is so fucking crazy. I always knew that time would really fly but, holy shit! This is just ridiculous; this year has fucking zoomed by and I'm pretty scared to graduate and go out into the real world. I am excited as fuck too though. I know I can handle my own but just the idea of being away from my mom, friends, and other family is just scary. This past break was one of the first times that I wasn't with any family for a 'long' time. It's just fucking wack that I'm moving out.. I'm never going to live with my parents again, hopefully. I really hope that I don't become one of those drop outs who come back and work shitty jobs and become nothing. Since I have the worst luck I have a feeling that my life will be fucked up. Every time that I say something good about myself in a matter of days it gets messed up.
Since being in LA I don't even know if that's where I want to be. I can totally see myself in California but I'm not too sure about Downtown. It's just dirrrty. People walking their dogs on the sidewalks and telling them "good job" when they take a shit on the sidewalk. So messed up! People have no fucking common sense and it is so damn infuriating. There's always trees where you can drag your dog to make it do its business. Not on the sidewalk where people.. walk. And the smell just hangs in the air and it smells like you're in a toilet. And not to sound racist, but all the Mexicans! I knew that LA is very hispanic but shiiit. A lot of people don't even speak English. Talk about reality check.. The bums are so annoying! A guy asking for a dime so he can get a burger! So dumb. Where in the fuck are you gonna get a burger for a dime? You're gonna have to ask at least 10 people for dimes so you might possibly get a burger. But that's unlikely. And interrupting people's dinners. Ugh! So annoying. But I'm sure that all these things happened to me simply because I am me. I hate my luck.
Maybe I will get a tattoo of a shamrock, might bring me some luck. We'll see.
I just complain to fucking much. Some one should just slap me across the face

I love it

So one day a guy is walking down the beach and sees a girl without arms and legs. She stops him and says, "Can you hug me? I've never been hugged before."
The guy said yeah and hugged her.
The next day he sees the same girl and this time she asks for a kiss, once again he agrees.
The day after that he's walking on the beach again and sees her. That day she asked him if he would fuck her because she hasn't been fucked before. Hearing that, the guy picks her and and throws her into the ocean and yells, "You're fucked now!"

duuumb

so my mom just called me to yell at me so I clean my room. completely uncalled for. what was the point of wasting 30 seconds to tell me that? as if I'll actually do it only because you told me.
annoying

CC Scheffield

Girl is gorgeous!

Her song 'Escape Me' is pretty much the greatest song, ever. No contest, at all. Go listen to it. NOW

Unfathomable Disasters

3/14/10

When I first landed in LA. I lost my make up right before I left my house so I look gross.

3/14/10

The view from the Alexandria

1/3 of the bottles before we threw them out the window on Tuesday nigt



Another third




Last third.

3/15/10

Alfredo's high ass trying to cut Taena with the box cutters

3/15/10

Larry talking to the sumo version of Taena

3/16/10
Me before Dance at Arena

3/17/10
Taena singing her heart out at like 6am

3/17/10
Here comes the sun do do do do

3/17/10
Octavio and Taena drinking Primo!

3/19/10
Taena ready to get hiiiigh

3/19/10
Holding Nico's collection of bottles

3/19/10
Nicooo! So adorable

3/19/10
Zion! She's the cutest dog ever.

Daschund/labrador mix

3/19/10
Almost faded

3/19/10
Nico

3/19/10

I have no idea what Alfredo was trying to do

3/19/10
View from the rooftop

3/19/10
Alfredo..

3/20/10
Last minute photoshoot for Taena's final

3/20/10

Taena being all cute and junk

So those were most of the highlights from my trip. I barely took my camera with me and I kept forgetting to buy batteries so I could just take my point and shoot with me. It could have made life a lot easier. What ever.

It is what it is.

I had the best dream last night, too bad I don't remember what it was.

Sideways

I get really fucking sidetracked when I write. It's pretty stupid. I should learn to control my thoughts. But that is really impossible because everything reminds me of something and I need to write it before I forget.

Do You Want to Know a Secret?

I currently HATE my life.
Everything has been going exceptionally wrong and when it starts going good it gets WORSE than the time before. Seriously. This has been one of the most fucked up weeks of my life and I am so ready to just go home and sleep all fucking day as if I haven't been doing that all mother fucking day while I'm up here. Shoot me please. I just want to die.
And all these events are confiriming my second thoughts. I'm probably going to trasfter after my first year or quarter at FIDM. Maybe. If things get better I probably will stay so I can get in and out. Finals look fan-fucking-tastic. Fuck. I vow to never become lazy and rush to get all this shit done. I am so beyond over procrastination. I truly hope that I only get better with time management. I will kill myself if I have to pull this kind of shit out of my ass.
I just can't wait to get out here and start doing my own thing. I know that I'm not gonna be clubbing every fucking chance that I get. Not that I don't have fun but I could use that money for better things. Sure, I'll probably do it often but not 3 times a week. Fuck that. Way too much money. It's so annoying. And each time that we've gone it hasn't even been that much fun because something has gone wrong right before.
Last night could have been wicked fun. The fact that I can't dance kinda takes away from having a super good time, but still it could have been more fun. Fucking Alex getting belligerent before Mode7. Not being allowed in, not answering his phone, and practically leaving us stranded. I was pretty much numb from all the shitty things that have been going on. I was pretty much over everything. I can't even explain how dead I feel. I just wanna lay in bed and do nothing all day. It really is quite pathetic.
Yesterday we met up with Nico and Alfredo around 3? I have no idea. My sense of time is so fucked up out here. We went to go pick up, got high, and watched Moulin Rouge. It was really good. Such a tragic story. I love how the compare the play they're making in the movie to real life and keep using that as their main focus instead of the relationship between the chick and the rich guy or the writer. I think that the writer should get a lot more credit for the show than he does because with out him there literally would be nothing. And none of them would have a job. Some people are so fucking naive, every person in the operation counts no matter your status every one needs every one. I hate when people think that just because they run the shit they can make people feel lesser. They're the ones barely doing anything. Idiots. I swear there are so many fucking dumb people, it is absolutely mind boggling how they all manage to keep their jobs when every one hates their fucking guts. Maybe beause they really do know what they're doing but they're just fucking ass holes. Who the fuck knows? Only the people dumb enough to put up with that kind of shit for longer than they need to. Every one is just in it for themselves. By kissing ass to the person above you, you hope that you're gonna get a promotion or something to have a higher status. Every one is so fucking fake. Like how every one dresses in suits and ties! It's absurd. Why doesn't every one just wear sweats to work? If one person started every one would follow and no one would ever have to worry about getting their shit dry cleaned for a crazy amount of money. It's like Alice said in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, "Who's to say what's proper? What if it was agreed that wearing a cod fish on your head was proper would you wear it?" It's so true though. Why do we have to follow all these mainstreamed ideals that everything has to be a certain way? Why can't we all just wear and do what ever the fuck we want!? So infuriating. I hate society. I think I will drop out of it and wear live animals as hats.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyways.
Last night. So many breezys. And wicked cute boys with haggard chicks. Its so strange how that happens. But I'm sure their relationships are a lot more than looks, I'd hope so. Every where that I looked there couples! Ridiculous! And this one guy told me he saw me at Dance, I thought the meant he saw me dancing. So I was like... um I can't dance to save my life. hah. I need to learn how to shuffle.
Thursday night was fun, we drank some wine and smoked hookah at Anthony's place. We watched Salad Fingers. That is seriously the weirdest shit I have ever seen in my life. Creepy, but funny. Anthony is such a cutie. So small and he dresses super cute. His mustache reminds me of a cartoon, I have no idea why but it does. Alex brought a guy over who is supposedly in a relationship with a girl and they haven't fucked. But they've beenn together for two years, so unlikely. Of course they kissed at the end of the night. I'm so sick of Alex right now. I don't even feel bad that he got arrested last night. He fucking deserved it. People seriously need to learn their limits. And get a grip on themselves. Fucking eating Taena's and my food, that is so rude. And using her towel. Ew. He is such a free loader! I hate people like him.
But um.. Thursday we were originally gonna go on the roof to smoke but the door was locked and going on the fire escape was just way too fucking scary with all the shit that we had with us. After smoking a couple bowls we were out by the fire escape getting some air when Taena decided that she wanted the sign and Alex followed. He tore off both signs. Not three minutes later security came and told us that we were being too loud. That was unbelievable! On Wednesday morning we were being insanely fucking loud. We started singing and screaming at like 3am and didn't stop till about 8am. It's a wonder how no one complained. Alex said that he could hear us from the elevator. People are wack.

St. Patty's hasn't been lucky for this leprochaun

So it is official, I have the worst luck in the world. I wish the movie "Just My Luck" would happen to me so I could trade my terrible luck with someone. That would pretty much be super fucking awesome.
Today is pretty much wasted because we slept all fucking day and I'm waiting for my phone to come to Taena's apartment. I'm just laying down blasting music hoping for a knock at the door so I can leave. I wish that I could have gone to Hollywood with her since I've only seen it twice, at night. Before Dance and Delicious. It seems pretty cool, but I wish I could actually walk around instead of just head to the club. Nothing is ever as it seems though, and my expectations are just too fucking high and I hate that about myself. I don't even know why they're so high. I don't even have anything that truly matches those standards. Like last night was the first time that I saw a really cute guy. Too bad he was gay. Such a bummer! I hate when that happens.
Yesterday we went to sleep at like 8am because we spent the whole night singing to old ass music and screaming our heads off. Alex said that he could hear us screaming from the elevator which is actually pretty far away. That's so funny. I wish I could have heard us. Or that my camera had batteries so I could have recorded us singing. It would have made for a hell of a good laugh later. But not the reason we were singing for. I don't even wanna think about it or how much money it's gonna cost. Or how hard my mom is gonna kick my ass for this and how long I'm gonna be grounded for. Seriously felt like dying that night. I wanted to jump out the window. It would have felt really good to just fucking die. I couldn't even cry. That shit is so annoying.
After sleeping for way too long I ate some food and waited for Taena to come back while Alex left to go do some things.
When Taena came back I met Octavio, he's such a cutie! And really open and social, I love it. We went to Cole's to get some food. I got the grilled cheese which was reccomended by everyone. It was really good but wicked oily. Kinda made my stomach hurt. And I wasn't even that hungry and it was really big. Hah! I got that with a coke which was three mother fucking dollars! 3! For a soda! That is so dumb! We stayed there afor a while to talk about Octavio's troubles. Gay boys have so much drama, lesbians too! It's so crazy. I learned this: sex first; romance later. Our waiter was so fucking weird. Leaning on our table and being extremely intrusive. I hate waiters like that. I didn't even leave him a tip. Oh well... After we left we walked to a wine store bought Primo! I'm not a beer fan but we just had to get it since it was the last one and it's Hawaiian beer. The 6 pack was fucking $10! So crazy. I wish everything was free. Walked back to the Alexandria opened up the beer which just so happened to be twist offs and we tried to open them with lighters. Hah! We're stupid. Nico and Alfredo came over. Nico had a blunt which was tiny so I didn't ask for any. But I wish I did because we shared the rest of our beer. And being sober is really fucking annoying right now. Nico and Alfredo left after a bit and we walked to get some wine from the same store. Octavio left. We dropped Brenna off after a while.
Then we waited because we had nothing to do. Taena and I walked to the store to get a wine opener but we didn't even get one just chips and water. The cashier was so drunk, he was like, "Give me some love." I wish I was like that right now. haha. Walked back to the apartment and waited and waited. Then we decided that we would go to Delicious at Arena. Every Wednesday it's ghetto and gay! I wasn't too sure beacuse Taena and Alex were gonna drink. And I was paranoid. But I went anyways. It was alright in the begining but the music started to get shitty. And there was not any cute people! So maddening! It was fucking hot in there I wanted to just buy ten waters and pour them all over myself. But that would be $40 wasted beacause I'd be hot ten minutes after. When we left we saw Selena, a girl that hates Taena and fucking Alex called her out. So DUUUUUMB! I don't even know her and I knew that she was pissed. And Taena was really fucking mad, I was too. What if she just fucking ran at us and jumped us. Fucking dumb.
I still need to go shopping. DAH!
I'm running out of things to talk about.
Dance at Arena was pretty cool, but it was empty. Such a disappointment and I wasn't drunk. Even bigger disappointment. No cuties. FAIL of a night basically.
mmmmmmmmmmmm

Daylight Savings

I was so confused when I got into LA because of daylight savings. Such strange yet smart concept..

And of course I lost my phone and I wasn't even here for a fucking hour! RIDICULOUS! I have felt so lost the whole day, it's so pathetic. Why are people so fucking attached to technology. I hate it.

So I ran into Taena's arms as soon as I got off the escalator and Alfredo was with her. He's so fucking cute. We waited for the bus, which is the place, where I presume, I lost my mother fucking phone. Then we caught the metro where I saw Spider Man! I wish I took a picture but I didn't want to grab my camera. Too lazy. We walked a few blocks to Taena's place dropped my shit off. Then I realized that my phone was gone. So we left to get some tacos but I lost my fucking appetite, I just got a horchata which is my new favorite drink. It's so delicious! I was pretty skeptical at first because it reminded me of that one Filipino drink with like fucking corn in it. Hah! After that we hiked over to Alfredos. Met Nico and Lary. And Zion! Fucking dog growled at me.

Their roof is so cool. I want my own personal roof. haha.

Taena had to do her paper so we left at like 5am.

Woke up at 9am.

Left by 10am.

And I still haven't taken a shower, mind you that it is 11:30pm. I feel gross haha.

Last night I was ssoo freeeeeezing in here. AGH!

Toured the school, met with Dee.

The end

Spring Break 2010

So basically I have no idea where to begin about tonight. I truly believed that it would just be a good time with friends hanging out.
The first thing that pissed me off is that me and my mom cooked a shit ton of food and literally no one ate. That is so fucking annoying. Now I understand why adults would always make us kids eat when we were little at parties.
The second thing was people kept leaving. Like why the fuck!? Just stay at my house where I know that you're safe and not doing illegal shit. As if having all these people at my house drinking isn't illegal enough.
The third thing is that everyone was being way too fucking loud. Sure, I was really fucking loud too. But they all could have kept each other quiet so that we wouldn't wake my fucking neighbors up.
The fourth thing is that I barely got to drink tonight. Which is really fucking annoying because I wanted to be so drunk that I started dancing with everyone. And wake up with a hangover. Yes, I wanted to be so drunk that I have a hangover. How sad is that!? I haven't been drunk in a good way in such a fucking long time. But what ever I'm going to LA where I'm bound to get pretty fucked up.
The fifth and the last thing is the worst of it all. No need to even repeat it because I've gone over it way too many times in my head. And I don't think anyone really needs to know what happened.

Stupid shit.

Oy ve

I just spent like seven hours cleaning my fucking house! But I'm not complaining because it's clean and I wasn't absolutely bored all day. And I don't have to clean tomorrow, I have to pack! Ugh.
My mom called me at like 6am to tell me to get ready for school but I didn't even have school. I thought I told her that we didn't have school. Guess I forgot because I kept dozing off last night. I was insanely tired and I have no idea why. I was trying to watch Casanova but my eyes wouldn't let me. I went to sleep at like 8:45. So ridiculous. I got the 12 hours of sleep that I wanted, but I wish I had slept for just a but longer because I was having an amaaaazing dream. I can't even remember what it is now. I hate that so much.
So when I woke up I made coffee smoked a stoge then started cleaning. I swept outside and it felt like each time I finished there was already another layer of dirt, but I'll sweep one more time tomorrow. And I'll have to pick up all the damn leaves. I scrubbed the table down. Cleaned the couches and chairs. Emptied the ash trays... I have no idea why we have so damn much. Cleaned the dish rack and the counter. Tried to clean the shelf with the stereo on it, but so much fucking oil was dripped on it that I could not do anything at all. It's pretty nasty. I cleaned the cabinet and made everything look pretty. Threw a bunch of shit away. Cleaned the other table. And the other counter. Swept the walkway like five times. It really doesn't seem like much but I did get a blister from it all. Then I tried to clean inside but the vacuum didn't have a bag and the other one is broken. So I just left everything. I cleaned the extra room downstairs and refolded all the blankets and sheets. Cleaned my room and the bathroom. Which is pretty much a first. I found the vacuum bags and tried to clean the rug but the damn thing was clogged with a ton of hair and dust. It was really nasty. I spent like ten minutes cleaning it out. I had so much dust on me I was surprised I didn't have a sneezing attack. I didn't have one all day. *knock on wood* I took a shower after it all and then I fixed my shoe. The damn thing had a huge hole in it. But it adds to my hobo look. And I studded them too, I'm not really too happy with how it came out because everything is crooked and not spaced evenly. But I have to live with it because I am not taking all of those things out. Next time I will definitely pay attention to spacing.

But now the house is clean and so am I. I just need to go to the store tomorrow to buy grub and beverages. Then BBQ!
then... LA!

Where I am definitely getting fucked up all the time. And hopefully I can get myself a tiny little tat! Should be a really good time. I'm so insanely excited to see Taena! And I hope to Buddha that we don't see Chelsie. That would be terrible.I want to do something like this, but cooler. Not saying that this isn't cool because I think its pretty bad ass. But the heart and diamond should be red..

Kalo Man

SSSooo.. Today we had to pound poi for seminar. It was so fucking stupid. Most people just stood around the whole time. And I'm pretty sure that not everyone's hands were clean while they were pounding. So I definitely was not going to eat food that touched my class mate's hands. And most definitely wasn't gonna take food from Kumu Ulu's hands. Fuck that! I don't doubt that some of her fucking arm hair got in the poi either. So fucking nasty.
In Hawaiian we had a celebration of life, it was pretty cool. Most people just put shitty things together. Like my program.. I totally forgot to put 'okinas and kahakos on words. Oh and I forgot to put people in. Hah! I'm stupid. Caitie and Ekolu were pretty funny. Caitie once again managed to get a song stuck in my head.
Advanced art was really annoying. I felt bi-polar. haha

Can you

Boom boom boom?
Can you bang bang bang?
Can you oh la la all night long?

You Got That Something

I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand


I think this is my favorite song from The Beatles, but I'm not sure. It's seriously impossible to choose a favorite song. I don't even know all their songs so that answer wouldn't be completely honest. I was supposed to get a bunch of their albums from my dad but I didn't. Oops. Maybe when their anthology is cheaper I'll buy it, but for now I'll be satisfied with the albums that I have.


So today was pretty interesting. I actually woke up before 6! I figured that I would need the coffee so I made some. A little too strong, but I won't complain. Since I hadn't eaten anything before that or during first block I started to get really shaky and antsy. Then the headache came and it was just terrible. I cold barely concentrate on anything in second block. As if there's any need to pay attention in seminar anymore. All that stupid, pointless Hawaiian shit that we're learning is taking away from time that all of us need for doing scholarships. I fucking that. I hate Kumu Ulu and how she can't even pronounce Casey's name properly. And how she always thinks I say "Can I go to the bathroom?" wrong in Hawaiian. I say it correctly! She just needs to open her fucking ears. So after second block I wen to Hawaiian and dropped my shit off and went straight to the health room. I should have slept but I couldn't because my mind just started racing. Which always happens to me. When ever my mind should be clear so I can relax I just start thinking about the dumbest shit and I can't stop. I try but my mind wanders to different places and just keeps traveling. Just like when I went to get a hot rock massage, I should have fallen asleep because it was just that amazing. But no, my mind just started racing and I kept telling myself to clear my head, as if that worked. Its just like when you know you're not supposed to be doing something it makes you want to do it even more. Like in Ms. Haina's class, songs always pop in my head and I want to sing them. But no one should hear that because they would die. I am the worst singer I know.

I'm so sick

of school

6 Pack

I basically love this cone thing. I have no idea why it's on a cone. But it's in my house and that's all that matters. Mr. Machado gave it to Uncle Lance. The whole pack thing made me think of Desmond and The Hangover. And Darci. hahaha!
Then I started thinking about the whole wolf pack speech.
Anyways.

What if your friends did come in a pack? Like you could actually go to the friend store and pick a pack of friends. That would be so absurd. I think it would be super lame because all the same flavors come in a pack and having friends who are all the same is just fucking dumb. It's like eating the same cereal for the rest of your life. And if that cereal is Raisin Bran, you're fucked. I'd rather go to the store buy a bunch of ingredients then make my own for a more flavorful variety of different drinks. But I wouldn't go to the store to buy my friends in the first place. That's wrong, like slavery.
I hate how so many 'groups' are all exactly the same. Where is the fun in that? How can you have conversations if everyone thinks in the same way? Then again, if that's the case you could all probably hate and praise the same things and have a jolly ol' time while doing it. I could never be around a bunch of people who are clones. I remember when I went to Utah to visit the Villamors and we went to the mall I saw a bunch of scene chicks and the only thing I said was, "Holy clones!" They were all literally wearing the same shit, just different color or pattern. All their hair was pretty much the same, teased to look like a lion mane. But Hot Topic wasn't selling extensions yet so no color in their hair. And their mommies and daddies wouldn't let them do anything to their hair because they're in Mormon country. But anyways. I guess what I'm trying to say is I love my friends; I love that we all listen to different music, believe in different things, see people in different ways, speak in different volumes, study different things, express ourselves different, but most of all I love that we are all exactly the same because we are all so different.

Whoa! Just had a flashback to 10 Things I Hate About You. God I love that movie. When she read the poem I pretty much cried. Yup, I'm a sucker for love stories. And a total hater of ghost stories. Last night we were talking about ghost stories and this guy Dane told us one which I don't even want to write because it's so freaky. Short, but really fucking scary. And I don't want to be thinking about it right now. Nor do I want to go to Old Maui High at night, especially with Pomai. Fuck that! I can't handle super natural shit, never have and never will. Can't believe that I was actually gonna go on a ghost hunt on Oahu, or go to New Orleans for a whole trip dedicated to just that. I'm way too chicken shit for that. Just hearing some stories make my eyes water. I will never understand why people go and provoke ghosts. I know that it has to be done so people can continue on with their lives unharmed by them. But doing it just for fun is stupid. Sure, there's probably ghosts who aren't dangerous and don't want you to get out of their houses. But I think that's the case most of the time. Why else would they linger where they were probably murdered? They're probably hoping that they will be able to avenge themselves. I won't ever be able to uderstand it.

BBQ

I want to have a BBQ during spring break. Maybe the Friday before I leave? Maybe not.
But I need to have one. Just chilling with a bunch of people and eating some good food. Then getting your drank on afterward, it just sounds like one hell of a good time to me.

LA LA land

Can I have your rings please?
I need to go fucking shopping. UGH! I hate my closet. I'm hooping to do some major shopping LA. Maybe some vintage and thrifting. Should be a good time.

And if I need protection, this is my weapon of choice. So cute. haha

Sunday is slow day

Right now I am sitting in my room enjoying the fact that my parents just went to Costco so I don't have to do any chores right now. But I am pretty annoyed that they left their clothes in the washer because I REALLY need to wash clothes. Especially for my trip next week! So fucking stoked that I am finally going.
But, lately, I've been having a lot of second thoughts. And it doesn't help that there's fucking pop-ups for schools that I wanted to go to but never applied for. I pretty much regret not applying for other schools. It would suck if I find out that I really don't want to take Graphic Design as a major when I'm already at FIDM. There's always the option of transferring. But I'm not sure where that would leave me if I go to another school because there's no basic first year; you just jump right into your major. I think that's a good thing for people who really, really know what they want to do. I'm not 100% that I want to do this, but I want to. Confusing, I know. I hate my brain sometimes. And like most people start in summer for FIDM but I'm starting in Fall. But I really need a break from school.
So yesterday I hung out with Pomai, Jasmine, and Jeremy at the Lucero house. We didn't really do anything for a while except watch people play video games. We eventually left for fear of someone... We picked up some tequila and jello and that resulted in the greatest jello shots ever! It's called The Pomai because he is just so damn epic. Even though I hate the texture of jello I was able to handle it. Regardless, I liked it. And we only made one box at a time. So we had to wait like three hours. And I only had three from the first batch. And by the time it was ready I wanted to go to sleep. We watched Down Periscope and I guess it was funny but kinda boring. There were parts that were pretty hilarious. The whale call part was absolutely brilliant.
Pomai being the genius that he is took a shot of five different kinds of alcohol, two different flavors of parrot bay, tequila, some kind of vodka, and I think gin. I felt bad laughing at him, but it was just so fucking stupid to do that. But when he started to gag that just made me laugh more. Like why the fuck would you do that?
I think I hear a cigarette calling my name.

Ya Dumb Bitch

So I just got back from watching Alice in Wonderland, and it sucked. I was pretty skeptical about watching it, but because of some awful events I had to stay at school so I just ended up going with Caitie. I want to punch myself for not doing my book poster for English. If I had then I wouldn't have had to go to the movie, and I would have saved myself ten bucks. And my grade would be a hell of a lot better.
I hate how I always think that I'm doing good by doing my homework before 10:00pm, but I always forget to do something. No matter what. And it's typically something really important like that fucking project that I didn't do. I had to fucking pull it out of my ass in like two hours. And it was not a pretty sight. I cannot believe that I have to put that stupid poster up. It's so terrible.
But anyway, back to the movie. Everything was absolutely ill-paced and it was just flat out boring! When ever Johnny Depp or Anne Hathaway wasn't on screen I just wanted to leave because it was just stupid. It wasn't really like Tim Burton. You could see elements that definitely his, but there is just too much Disney in the movie. Too fairy-ish. Weak sauce. Lame. No other way to put it. It's worse than the poster that I made. Well not really because it's almost worth it for Mr. Depp. Anne Hathaway kinda seemed like a nut job in the movie but it was funny. I like her better as a normal human. The fight scene with the Jabberwockee is just pitiful. I cannot believe that this is the work of Tim Burton! This movie should have been watched online instead of wasting money.
Oh, and I saw a chick dressed up as the Cheshire cat. So ridiculous. And it was a shitty outfit anyways.


So I am with out a pack still.. Mahea finally brought them to school on Wednesday but she left right after song practice because she felt sick. So I haven't had a cigarette in two mother fucking days. I better get tomorrow or I will be angry!
And my damn Internet has been so spotty it's infuriating! I try to load videos to watch and my Internet disconnects in the middle of loading. So fucking annoying. And at school I can't even open links. I just wanna break this fucking thing in half and burn it along with all my other school papers which I will be burning after graduation. But I don't know if I really want to. It's all my work, no matter how shitty it is. And it doesn't matter that I will never look at it again, I just can't get rid of shit. I hate that about myself. Fuck being a pack rat. I wish I could just not care and throw shit away. But at least I'm not a hoarder. That would be absolutely awful. I just cleaned my room a week ago and shit is already starting to pile up. But I feel weird if my room is clean. It isn't me. I can't be clean, well my room can't. An organized mess is what I like to live in. I just wish people like my mother could understand that. It's just more comforting to be surrounded by all your stuff. Having them put up on shelves and in boxes just seems mean, you have to let your things live. How are they gonna talk to each other at night if they're locked up in boxes? Haha, I was just thinking about Toy Story.
Like what if your things really did come to life. I would have crazy stuffed animal parties in my room every night. That would be pretty damn awesome. I should set up a camera just in case that ever happens. I've always wanted to record myself sleeping to see if I do any weird shit. I don't think I do. I've been told that I snore too, and I think I've talked in my sleep a couple times. It would suck so bad if someone had a conversation with me while I was asleep cause that's usually the best time to get shit out of people. No restrictions of your conscious. I remember trying it on people but it never worked. Maybe it's just when you're half asleep.
I really want to talk to someone when they're dreaming, I think it's hilarious. Especially when they're talking about the most random ass shit there is. I wish I could remember my dreams so badly. Because when ever I do they're so strange. They're always in the oddest of places with the weirdest mixture of people. The situations are just plain weird. But sometimes they're amazing and my absolute heart's desires. But desires that will never ever come true. I hate the dreams when you think you're getting ready for school or where ever you're supposed to be going, but you're just laying in bed. Then when you finally wake up you have just about two minutes to get ready. That's just the worst. It's been happening to me this whole week. But I think it has something to do with the placement of my alarm clock. Conveniently and arm's reach away from my bed. So I can just turn it off and go back to sleep. Man, I can't wait to have classes start after 8 am!

I think I'm gonna go slip into a temporary unconsciousness.

Salty Seeds

Procrastination is making me remember how much i love sunflower seeds. my lips are pretty damn salty right now so i won't be stopping for a while, i just know it. I'm gonna try to fill up a soda can by the end of the night; i probably can. i need to buy ranch flavored seeds. i wonder what would happen if i just took a bag out in class and just started eating them? i know haina would fucking give me detention cause it's annoying. But I love the crack of the seed and the resistance i have right before biting down hard enough to get the seed out. It's all worth it. I could just be a cheater, like Uncle Lance, and buy the already open seeds but that wouldn't be any fun at all. It takes away the 'sport' in eating sunflower seeds. I don't notice it but I always have a competition with anyone who I eat seeds with.. I try to open my seed faster, but I always lose!
I need more pictures for D.PhotoIII.
I need to edit for journalism.
I need to read Don Quixote, the dumbest book I have ever read.
I need to do scholarships.
I need to get off Maui already.
I need spring break to be here.
I need a pack.
I need to be satisfied with my life.
I need to be thankful.
I really am though..

Coffee sounds completely amazing right now. I think I shall go have some.

Don't care what you think

You think I care?

You humans can't see what pretty music came to me

I see where you stand, I'm standing here

So count the fuse flaming with me, 1 2 3

I got holes in my shoes with nothing to lose. My hairs a mess but I ain't upset. So I am just sitting in Christian Ed, the most stupid pointless class ever. I swear this school is full of idiotic hypocrites. They preach that you have to believe and what the fuck ever, but they force this shit on you? How can someone believe in something when they are forced into it? That's not believing. That's just fucking fake. And I'm sick of pretending that I believe in God just to get a fucking grade. I shouldn't have to pretend that I believe in something I don't, I shouldn't have to write to someone who I know won't write back or do anything for me, and I certainly shouldn't have to try to please someone who I don't believe to exist. It's just fucking bull shit. A petition to ban Christian Ed would be hilarious!

So it looks like blogging is the shit ain't it? And I just jumped on the band wagon, and I'm probably gonna fall off soon. I can never keep these kinds of things up for a long time. But this might be different.

School is such a pain in the ass right now and I want it to be over. I want to be in LA already. I can't wait to go on the 14th. yee! And I'd like someone to do all of my scholarships and grants please. Whenever I start doing them I get overwhelmed and just close everything and go smoke a cigarette. It's so stressful! And I'm pretty much past my deadlines which is really fucking annoying. It's pretty much all my fault because I didn't read the letter from FiDM properly. So fuck me. I could place the blame on my mother for not filling out her taxes earlier, but oh well. Hopefully I can get money some other way. I wish there was some easy way to get free money besides robbing a bank, but that's not all that easy.

I just finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And I feel like a fucking mad man, all I can think about is the last movie and how I want to watch it already. I want to re-read the series again, over and over. I don't think I will ever love a book like I love Harry Potter. I want to live in London so I can use their accents and slangs. It's seriously brilliant! I always think about their slangs in my head but I never say them out loud. Makes me feel like a total weirdo but what ever.

I think Emma Watson is so damn gorgeous. Such a simple beauty, she doesn't need make up or anything. I wish I was like her. I love the fact that she is going to Brown. I wanna go to Rhode Island and stalk her!

Okaaaaaaaaayy this is getting fucking boring.

peace- in the Middle East