california dreamin

I don't even know where to begin.. Well for starters nothing much has been happening this summer. Been hanging out with Mr. Mellon a ton and he is a hell of a lot weirder than I would hve ever expected. Grad parties have been typical: crappy. The night of Desmond's grad party was one of the most random I have ever had in my life. Got to the party with a cup full of beer and kept making voodoos after that. Pretty delicious. Left close to 9 or 10, I don't even know. Mom said that she needed someone else to talk to. Since I knew who she was talking to Joe and I rushed back to my house so we could get our drink on with her. There was a huge debate about the Hawaiian Island's flowers. So Joe ended up calling Gabe and getting it sorted out. I think I was right about two of the flowers. Not too sure. Then we started talking about marketing.. I have had that talk with so many people in my back yard it is ridiculous. I don't remember what happened next but one of us went to sleep. Then more talking about random things. I brought out the cards and mom made Joe and me play speed. I won. Then mom played me, I lost. We played again, I won. After that we started playing 21 for the longest time. It was pretty funny how crappy I was. I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening. And it didn't help that I'm not the greatest player. Oh well. I think I won like 9 hands in a row. That was pretty awesome. Out of no where mom said that she wants a chilli cheese dog. So after a while we go to Zippy's at 3:30am. It was so funny. I had chicken katsu. I figured since I had chicken nuggest a couple days before I should just start eating chicken again. But it was waaaayyyy too oily so I could not finish it. I tried really, really hard but it was just too disgusting. I went to the bathroom because I felt like throwing up but there was piss in the toilet so I didn't. I could have easily flushed it but I would have felt way more disgusted throwing up in a public bathroom. EW!
The days have been getting way hotter and more humid than imaginable. So the showers have increased and gotten a lot colder. I could never take a cold shower and now I am taking one just about every afternoon. I could go for one right now and its only 11am. So ridiculous! Just like my never ending situation with college! UGH! I have no idea why this couldn't have been taken care of earlier. Such a pain in the ass. But hopefully with the help of Beth this will all be done very, very soon and I can stop worrying about me actually going to college. I cannot wait to leave this island! Even though I am going to be there a month early and I have no idea what I am going to do with myself. I'm sure that I will be able to find something to keep me occupied in LA. I am so excited to see my apartment. I really hope it is to die for as Taena claims. I just want to get off this damn rock already. I hope LA isn't hot when I move up. Just about two months left on this god forsaken rock and I am freeee! Sorta.
I am scared though. I'm going into a business that is booming right now, but so many students are studying Graphics right now. So what if there is no room for me in the business? I don't even know why I'm scared. I'm sure there will be plenty of oppourtunity.
I need to start arting again. I feel so, I don't even know how to explain it. I just want to fucking immerse myself in art right now.

Oooh and I know what I want for my first tattoo, but of course my mother had to fucking put me down about it. Saying that the meaning doesn't match me. When it does, she just doesn't know anything about me obviously. I am going to get it soooooonn I hope.

Be Strong and Ally Ye

Oh sons of Hawaii

I think its pretty hilarious that I used to know the words to the alma mater then for some reason I just forgot them. Oh well! I'm not going to have to sing it any time soon, I hope.

I haven't updated in a while because graduation has been so intense! From all day practices, going to Oahu, and baccalaureate. I'm just so relieved that it is finally all over. I don't even know what to write about. So many things happened this past week. SO MUCH! I should start from the beginning but everything happened so quickly that my brain can't quite decipher day from day. Okay, I really don't know where to start.

Mauna Ala. That was fucking terrible! Woke up way too late. About an hour after I should have been up, so I had all of 6 minutes to get ready. Left the house when I should have been at the airport. But people were still arriving so I didn't feel too bad. The line for Starbucks was really long but I needed coffee anyways. I have no idea why I had to get the most expensive drink. Seriously, $6 for a coffee!? a SMALL coffee. So ridiculous. But it was fucking delicious. When we got the Oahu airport we had to wait an hour for the boys. So Mahea and I walked around trying to find a good place for food. Obviously, its the airport so we had absolutely no luck. And trying to find something cheap was out of the question too. I hate that Burger King is closed! Its the only decent place in the airport. We ended up sitting down and playing Egyptian War which started to become a hot commodity in the last week of school in Kumu Kalei's class because they never did anything. I almost won, but I think it was Ka'u that won. When the boys finally come in we head down to the buses and I start to feel like shit right when we leave the airport. I have no idea why but I just wanted to puke my guts up. It was awful. When we finally get to Mauna Ala we line up and get ready to chant. We get in and blah blah blah. We line up in a super confusing order. I can't hear or see anything that is going on so I was just looking around the whole time wishing that I was at home sleeping. We sing and chant and give our roses. Then we sing some more. Then the Maui campus decides that we're going to be cool and sing the love song written for Kalakaua that he never heard. But of course, we sounded fucking terrible. Everyone was off and we had no instruments. I really didn't feel like walking around to findthe answers to the questions that Kahu gave to us. So I just leaned against a tree and prayed for death hahaha. Me, Kellie and Joe went in to the church there and it was really stink so I felt worse. When we were finally on our way after what felt like 3 hours of nothing I started to feel better. We get to Kapalama and I see Kalei right away! I was super stoked but she had to leave. Kinda sucked. She pretty much had a line of people waiting for her. Must've felt like a celebrity hah. We were at the chapel on campus and I started to feel like crap again. When everyone was inside I went to the bathroom in hopes of throwing up or something. But nothing happened. I hate how that always happens to me. We go get lunch and I feel fine, finally. But when we get to Kawaiahao Church I start to feel shitty again. When they try to organize us to take the photo it was just chaos. No one could follow directions. They should have lined us up outside so we wouldn't be trying to arrange ourselves ing he aisle. It was retarded. The chapel service felt like forever and the Kapalama boys were sooo fucking rude! Leaving before the song was even over and leaving rubbish everywhere. After that was done we headed to the airport and I felt better, again.

So my theory is I get sick around churches. They make me feel absolutely awful. Terrible, I know. But thats my conclusion for that day.

Friday was baccalaureate, pretty boring. I honestly don't remember what I did that day. Probably nothing. But, Baccalaureate was really boring. Sitting on the stage singing songs that we didn't know was so embarrassing. I don't know why they assume we're going to do fine just because we have the program and song book. It was honestly awful. I didn't know that the Headmaster's Tea wasn't mandatory so I was pretty annoyed by that. But whatever, got to eat free, shitty sushi! Met up with Taena and Mario after that. We planned to go to Pedro's house but that got fucked up when the starter on Taena's car got stuck. Even though Uncle said it was "Cracka Cheese!" So funny. Joe picked me up and we grabbed his hookah and went to Taena's condo. Mother told me that I couldn't sleep over. That was pretty annoying to me. But I guess that was the smart thing to do since my fucking leis weren't even done! Tried a bunch of different alcohol at the condo. That pink stuff was pretty delicious haha. But kinda too fruity.

So the next morning I tell my mom that we have to go to walmart so i can get stuff to make my leis. And she starts bitching at me! I have no idea why she was bitching at me. I should have been bitching at her. I asked a bunch of people a bunch of times to pick things up for me. It isn't hard to grab ribbon and the netting. But i guess it actually was for them. And everything else was being done super last minute too. I fucking hate that so fucking much! I was so pissed, I was about ready to punch someone in the face. And my family thought that I was being bitchy, I guess I was but what ever. I could have had the leis done earlier. And they were not helping by claiming they don't know how. Its easy to figure it out. It was just a terrible way to start graduation. It pretty much ruined my graduation day. I didn't want to be happy that day, I was just in the most pissed off mood I had been in for a long ass time. I did cheer up a little bit though. I bet if I hadn't been pissed off earlier I actually would have cried during the ceremony. I still haven't cried. It's kind of weird. I think I didn't cry yet because I cried that whole week and during song fest. I don't know why I wanted to cry. Thats pretty silly.. wanting to cry at graduation. I was just happy as shit. I just wanted to get out and never have to rely on any one ever again, physically that is. During the ceremony Nea and Shawna kept asking me if I wanted them to scream for me because of what Kahu said about keeping the noise down. And I kept telling them yeah. I told them that before too. I couldn't imagine them not screaming. We're all loud mouths so there was no way I could tell them no. I guess they were pretty loud because a bunch of people gave me funny looks. And during the lei giving part the videographer asked us to scream for the DVD haha. so funny.

So project grad.. people were screaming when the buses pulled up. No idea why. They knew that we were getting buses. So stupid. It was a pretty good night I suppose. The Westin wasn't a bad choice but it was predictable. Swimming at night is probably one of my favorite things to do. Had a lot of fun just watching people make fools of themselves, as usual. Nothing too exciting happened. The salsa was delicious! I wanted to steal a bowl and eat it all myself. The committee dropped like 5K on duffle bags for us. I was really shocked, but really happy! I was in need of a new duffle bag. It was really annoying how everyone screamed for every little thing. That is one thing I will never miss about my class. Their annoying screams. Its about time we actually got something good though. I think project grad was the best class thing we ever had. Dinner was really good. And I was so glad they had Starbucks. The photobooth was fun. But it annoyed me that people stole the props. Thats so fucking ruuuude. For the drawings I put in the wrong ticket. Pretty funny. I put the one without my name on it. I felt like the biggest dumb ass ever, but I wasn't surprised that I did that. Like what if I did win the MacBook? That would have been awesome. But whatever, it is what it is. (hate that saying now) The fucking RockBand was fuuucked up! It was lagging so badly. I ended up just kicking it with Dayton and Royal. Pretty fun way to end the night. I prolly would have fell asleep otherwise. Breakfast sucked, that was a great way to end it all.

I fell asleep on the bus and as soon as me and mahea got in the car we lit up haha. People were passing us but we didn't care. Nicotine! I went to sleep right after Mahea left. Got rudely awaken at 11. That day I got a grand total of 3 hours of sleep. That was really annoying! We didn't even start eating until 2. People didn't start showing up until 5 or 6. That night was fuuuun. Ate some good food. Started drinking When Aunty Fran and Uncle Les started. Didn't stop till 1 ish. Played thumper for the first time. I went first and fucked up right away. Got pretty fucked up too but that was only when Mario gave me Crown. Britt and I needed pliers to open those small bottles of alcohol because they were like super glued shut. Mahea and Kali were gone for the whole night, pretty typical. I passed out first, really typical. But I had no sleep in my defense.

There's a ton that I left out. I will continue later

Oh Happy Day

Fuck yeah! I am so far past being sad for graduation I just want it to be over with. But I have soo much shit I still need to do for FIDM. ugh. I cannot wait to be rid of all this nonsense at school. The bullshit rules, stupid teachers, pointless classes, and stupid kids at school. Six years of all this shit has built up to a lot that I am just ready to be free of. I really don't think that I'm gonna miss all these people since they are super fucking annoying. How can they all just go to the same fucking shcool and see eachother every day. That's just fucking retarded. The point of college is to get away from people.
I am so fucking bored in class right now! But at least we're actually listening to good fucking music haha. Love DaftPunk, seriosuly. Hmmm, so I just took my first (of three) Englsih final and I'm pretty sure that I did not do great, at all. I would not be surprised if I get an F. Nothing made sense, there was pretty much no thesis, and I probably have one thousand grammar errors. Fuck mannnn I can't wait for all that shit to just be over.
I feel like I'm in a video game from the 90's right now. haha.
I'm gonna miss art classes though :( no more free supplies. I guess I should steal what I can right now. I don't wanna have to buy spray mount and pay for my printing or buy poster boards. Or have to get shit laminated and pay fucking $50! for a shitty kinkos job. Ugh! Seriously, kids here need to use the resources more. such a waste.. its actually pretty sad.
Anyways. i'm sick of writing. i just wanna sleep.

Hmph, being stoned isnt as fun if youre only with one person

Wasted Youth

Today I realized my life has been such a waste. There is so much more, not that much given the fact that I live on a fucking island, that I could be doing. People I could be talking to, hands I could be holding, lips I could be kissing, castles I could be building, memories I could be making, and life to be living. Too bad I have wasted the 17 years of my life thus far. And what a fucking slap in the face it is. I blame this fucking island. No, I blame myself for being shy and insecure, and never wanting to talk to people because I assume that they're all complete morons and I know that's not true. But usually they all end up to be idiots in one way or another. My biggest regret is definitely not making more friends and more memories, but there is an upside to it: an easier goodbye. But at the same time since I have less friends I have become more attatched to them. So I guess goodbye is tough no matter the amount of people you are saying it to. But this has been my life so far and there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it now. All I can do is make it better. In 2 weeks and 6 days. what the fuck. mind blown. I hate this. I don't want to graduate. As much as I don't like all the people at school I can't help but think about how much I am going to miss their annoying faces and laughs and ridiculously loud yells at each other in the halls. But that will only be for a while until I find my new niche where the universe decides to take me. Just thinking about how people are a part of your life for so long then you decide to rip yourself away from all of them is so odd. Why choose to leave when there is a spot for you? But there really isn't. There is never a spot. But there actually is, everyone makes everything complete. Every cell in your body is meant to be where it is. That is really fucking hard for me to believe though. Was I meant to stay home all fucking day? Was there some tragic thing that would have happened had I decided to go out? Who the fuck knows? What is the point in continually questioning it when no one will ever know the answer? There isn't one.

Too many thoughts

Race through my brain, and not enough of my brain is used. I think we use 10%?
"To say that we use all of our brain ignores the fact that you couldn't remember where you left your car in the parking garage- even though this is well within your brain potential" I like that.. I think that topic is really interesting, we use all of our brain for different activites, but not all at the same time. I used to think that only 10% of our brain was used for everything and that only geniuses used the full potential of their brain all the time. I guess who ever told me that was very, very wrong.
But, what I was thinking about was relationships.. What is the best type of relationship to have? And are there good times to have certain types of relationships? Such as a really fun, no-seriousness relationship would be good for summer. But is that type of relationship good at all? Even though your partner may make you forget all of your troubles because you are constantly having fun and living freely. Is that actually healthy? Would pushing all of your troubles aside for a relationship make you feel worse in the end? What if you decide to marry someone who makes you feel like that? would you just never face your problems and end up living in regret because you never had the chance to figure it out? Is that even a real relationship? What is a real relationship? I guess to each their own.
Personally, I don't think I could be in a relationship where everything is just fun. There has to be room for serious talks; how are you going to love someone with out seeing them at their worst? You will never really know anyone until you have seen them break down and cry their eyes out because I believe that is when your soul is pouring out and being exposed to the world. I think that is why people don't like to cry. They don't want to feel exposed to anyone for fear of getting more hurt in the long run. It has been shoved down our throats not to cry because it shows that you are weak. I think quite the opposite; those who cry are the strong ones for exposing themselves to every thing in the world. There is no way of telling what people will say of you for crying about something and that is why I hate to cry. I'll admit that I am weak because I absolutely hate crying in front of people. I feel so embarassed about it, but I can only do it around the people I really love and care about. At Aha Mele I cried because I was next to Mahea and we have seen each other cry numerous times and we know each other extremely well. I probably wouldn't have cried if I was sitting next to someone I am comfortable with.
I have no idea where I'm going with this.. But I totally lost my train of though about relationships

Ron Whites financial solution